Don Vito Corleone

When I finished Day 4 of Inktober, I was surprised at myself. I had created something that I was genuinely proud of, and looking back it a year later, I am still shocked that I was the one that created this art piece. Unfortunately, this does mark the end of my commitment to drawing old-timey horror monsters and icons and instead I switch focus to movies and television series that I like. This opened a multitude of creative doors that really made Inktober feel like Christmas to me and it kept me fueled for the entirety of the event. Using a still from the opening scene of the film, the lighting of the reference photo laid out a paint by numbers area to capture the highlights and shadows of Don Corleone, to which, if I can be so bold, I did excellently.

In truth, I don’t have much to say about this art piece because I am so genuinely proud of it. I had stepped out of my comfort zone of my typical mediums and ended up creating something I didn’t know I had in me. I know I’m patting myself on the back quite a bit at the moment but when your perfectionist complex is shattered and you just focus on finishing something, the results can surprise you.

Like ‘The Shining’ previously, I absolutely adore ‘The Godfather’ film series, and while the crime and the high living are all encapsulating, it’s the focus on the Corleone family that holds the viewers’ attention. To start, I’m a terrible example of being a family person. I relate more to Vito’s youngest son, Michael than I do to the Don himself. As Michael tries to distance himself from the crime and reputation of his family (I think this is the reason he truly signs up for the WWII draft), I have to admit, I’ve tried the same thing. It’s a confession I have to make to accept my wrong doings against my family (but this is not to say I hold disdain towards them the way that Michael might subconsciously hold it towards his family and their reputation). I think in the same way that Michael has felt lonely (in reference to The Godfather II in the flashback scene for Vito’s birthday) I’ve always felt lonely in terms of my immediate family. I care about my family. I care about my mother, my 2 brothers and 2 sisters, and while the self-imposed exile that I’ve created for myself is nothing but a fabrication, I find it hard reaching out to them. Of course keeping in mind that we’re all grown up and keeping busy living our own lives, in the simple regard of making time for them, I’m bad at it.

It’s here where I hear Vito Corleone in my head, “A man that doesn’t spend time with his family can never be a true man.” It may seem ludicrous, taking advice from films, but there is weight in those words; and while I struggle and fail to be a proper family man (thanks Guile) it doesn’t mean that inside me there isn’t a desire to be one. Of course, as a credit to my family, wishful thinking solves nothing and direct action to this desire is the remedy to the issue.

While I pour out this confession I can’t help but acknowledge the overwhelming feeling that because of my shortcomings (in regards to my family), I’m the least qualified to give advice on the notion of it. However, from my experience and interactions with my mother and siblings, I have never not felt their love, and whatever experiences in my life that have sent me down this withdrawn path from them, I know that I am always welcome and wanted back in their lives. That’s not to say that I have completely cut them off and no longer talk to them, but finding separate time outside of special events like Christmas, Thanksgiving and birthdays to establish a deep and meaningful relationship with them is something that I need to do more of.

Whether this particular reflection piece is a product of overthinking, overreaching or both, I just want to say to my family, I love you. I know I am terrible at showing it and actions speak louder than words but I hope that when the actions have mattered the most to you, I’ve been there. For the moments I’ve missed, I carry the guilt and regret for it and ask for your forgiveness.